Why Justin Timberlake’s Bachelor Party should be with Us

Oi, Justin! It’s been a while[never] and here at the Firefly we are thrilled to hear about you and Jessica Biel. Even if it was through conventional media and not a phone call.. I know it’s probably a little early but given your status[celebrity badass], we need to get planning this bachelor party. Since we don’t hangout much anymore[ever], as your bygone bestie[wtf] I used the window into your soul that is your songs to come up with some great stag do ideas. It seemed to give me more ideas than your actual window. Plus your creepy security guy kept getting pushy.

To help you see how much fun we WILL have, I took some old snapshots of us I had lying around and used them to illustrate each idea. You sure can paddle Justin. I can’t wait for the world to see.

Cry Me a River

I’ll cry you a river to whitewater raft in! Isn’t it perfect? Can’t you just picture us fighting mother nature like you and the Black Eyed Peas fought hate a few years ago. Our bachelor parties love white water rafting!

- Whitewater Rafting - Everyone we’ve sent on this have had a huge time!

- After Party at Elks Lodge – These dudes know how to party .. trust me.

 

Sexy Back

I’ll admit, I was a little on the fence when you suggested this one with your music. But I’m finally starting to see your vision. The lights the, the cameras, the sexy. Let the hipsters have their scuzzy plaids and ratty hats. This is sooo beyond that.

- Pin-Up Photo Session & Party – It’s for the ladies but I think they’d make an exception for us.

What Goes Around Comes Around

Every time I ride the merry-go-round in the park I can’t help but be enraptured by your wisdom. It’s so true cause it always comes around. Riding the carousel made me think of being dizzy like the time we’ll climb into a giant ball and roll down a hill…. soon. No kidding, you get strapped into a giant ball and rolled. We’ve just been waiting for a bachelor party that wants to go to the smoky mountains. Apparently it’s only place  you can do it in the US. Lame. Good thing you have a fleet of private jets eh?

- Zorbing - The art of rolling down a hill in a ball (real thing)

Whatever you choose for your bachelor party Justin Timberlake, I’m sure we’ll have fun. If you lose my address again for the invites you know you won’t get the skinny on the best Denny’s.

Sincerely,

James

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